Hello readers. Hope you’re all having a good morning (as good as you can for a Monday). Today’s post is sort of personal and on relationships. A friend of mine and I were talking about relationships over Facebook and he wrote a note about it. I decided to break down his note and then put my own little spin/counter arguments on things. Hence why this post is called Cynicism vs Realism.
Believe it or not, there is a difference between the two and I wanted to give you guys some definitions in case anyone thought “What the fuck is she talking about!? That’s the same thing!” Well reader, I am not crazy and do know “what the fuck” I’m talking about. So ha. Anyway, here are the definitions via dictionary.com
- cynicism: cynical disposition, character, or belief. Showing contempt for accepted standards of honesty or morality by one’s actions, especially by actions that exploit the scruples of others.
- realism: awareness or acceptance of the physical universe, events, etc as they are, as opposed to the abstract or the ideal. Awareness or acceptance of the facts and necessities of life; a practical rather than moral or dogmatic view of things.
VECT: Just to set some shit straight on what I believe when it comes to a relationship (or as I refer to them: “relationshits”) I don’t see a valid important point to them whatsoever. Sure I know how it feels to long & want someone so much & fantasize about the ideal perfect person that so many blindly believe exists out there for them. It’s bullshit, it goes right up there with how I feel about the holy bible. People should finally start seeing that it is NOT a need to be with someone in that way, it is merely & ONLY a massive “want”.
Me: I do agree that relationships aren’t really a need. They’re a want. We want to love and be loved in return. We want to share our lives with someone. We don’t really need to. BUT who wants to be alone? Think about it. Does anyone really want to come home to an empty house or apartment? Does anyone want to go to dinner or the movies alone? Although we all do at times, we don’t want things to be like that all time. Although we can be close to our family and friends, it’s not the same as being close to a significant other. We can cuddle, kiss, hold hands, and be more intimate with our significant other than we can our family and friends on a physical and emotional level.
VECT: You are promised more pain than pleasure in relationships. When you love someone on such a high level like that you are guaranteed to lose more than you gain. I myself have no trust when it comes to a female I’m dating to be faithful nor do I have to put myself through the unnecessary bullshit that goes with it. People lie the world over, even if it’s miniscule. No matter how attractive you find your significant other to be, sooner or later you will begin to look at other attractive people & your interest with your current partner will decrease. It is totally normal & no doubt a for sure thing to happen. The following actions are entirely on you to make. I see infidelity as an attack that hurts the other AND the relationship more & I myself have never once cheated.
Me: Love hurts. Everyone lies and everyone hurts you at one point or another. Moms lie about the Tooth Fairy and Santa. Your best friend will tell you that you look good in that outfit when you’re liable to break a mirror when you walk by. People cheat, people steal, people lie. Most of these people include your friends and family. BUT that doesn’t mean you love them less. Are you more cautious after the experience, yes. And you have every right to be. But it doesn’t mean you should write them off.
That’s how I feel when you’re in relationship. Mistakes are guaranteed to be made. There are bound to pain and tears. If it ends, it ends. But that doesn’t mean you should write off the next person you enter into a relationship with just because the person before him or her broke your heart. He or she didn’t hurt you back then, and they may not hurt you now or in the future. Everyone deserves a chance until they prove to you they aren’t worthy of it.
VECT: The world uses relationships for conformity just like religion & other various idiocy propaganda. How often is it glorified in movies, cards & Valentines Day? It’s a form of using control through security. Most married couples today are still married only FOR security! Let me also show you how the romantic love is the weakest: How often does 1 stop loving their children, pets, favorite movie, etc? Not as often as all the divorces & relationships that comes crashing down EVERY SINGLE DAY! It’s like taking Romeo & Juliette on a super sick serious level that has flaws all over it. We can’t be obsessed & call it “love” goddamnit! All that “I love you forever” garbage is played the hell out, that isn’t love & it never will be. NOTHING is forever except death.
Me: Unfortunately a lot of people don’t know what love is. They don’t how to love or be loved in return. Because of that a lot of people get stuck in relationships of security or convince. As sappy as it sounds (and to quote my favorite movie), real love is forever. Look at some of the older couples who have been married for thirty to fifty years and still feel the way they did when they met. What about the man who dies shortly after his wife because he’s so heart-broken. If that’s not real or forever then I don’t know what is.
VECT: Do you know why you may of met someone &/or been so interested to date them? Because you’re curious &/or fascinated &/or vulnerable! It’s like seeing someone do an awesome skateboard trick & you go rushing in on a skateboard wanting to do the same & busting your fucking head open! C’mon damnit, it’s not thinking. Even if by some chance your rare relationship lasts, it still takes time to master just like mastering a skateboard trick. But like all the pros, we all end up taking a fall & eating shit here & there.
Me: The keywords here are “rushing in” and “not thinking”. These things don’t make for a long and lasting relationship. You should get to know the person first and make sure they fit your wants and needs first. And like he said, it takes practice. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.
VECT: Don’t think I’m telling you how to live, this is just my argument & my opinion. Who has the most potential to pulverize your heart? Your significant other! I’m not the type of person who appreciates many surprises, & believe me in a relationship they’re like surrounding landmines. I been single for 12 months now, I get lonely as fuck & it hurts a lot sometimes. But I look to myself & say “It’s better this way” because I’m only inviting more problems when my heart has been allowed to be stolen by someone else because I let them. Let’s not forget how many friendships get ripped all to hell after all is said & done with dating. All because your curiosity was pulsating in your mind to see what it would be like BEFORE your relationship with them failed. Falling in love is a different story, because we do not choose who our heart chooses because we don’t control who we fall in love with. All I can recommend is ridding the feeling by replacing it with something else. If I were to be stupid enough to be in another relationship, then I’m not grounding myself to them & committing myself all to them. I’ve done FAR too much committing & it got me the same results of bullshit every time. I will continue to be free & do things in a free nature so I don’t let the noose slip around my neck as it would if I allowed them to tie me down. I gave love the most I had in my entire soul, heart & mind & it screwed me over & killed me in the most harmful ways. Romantic love is not to be trusted that deeply & truly, the result is NOT worth it! Relationships were like a dangerous drug I was fucking with, it was super hard to stay clean but now it’s just easier.
Me: Everyone you interact with has the potential to pulverize your heart. Family, friends, and yes, significant others. Anytime you invite others into your heart and life you are causing potential problems. People come and people go. They hurt you and they heal you. Some people fall in love with the people they date. They even move on to have successful marriages. What needs to be kept in mind is that anyone can hurt you at anytime. But we shouldn’t live in fear or avoid having close relationships or a significant other because we’re afraid of getting hurt.
VECT: Flings, friends with benefits, those make more sense to me cuz you don’t have half the problems that come with exclusive dating. Sure they also have their downsides like almost everything, but you got more to lose when you have the romantic love in the mix. Things have their flaws, but dating is FILLED with them. I stay single & safe & I’m glad I no longer have that trust to hand a thief the keys to my heart & everything else.
Me: To me, these are more dangerous than being in a stable and committed relationship. Feelings can still be caught and people can still get hurt, maybe even more so, in these types of arrangements. I’m single and I’m happy and okay with that. But if someone cool and cute and funny came along and wanted to get to know me, I would do my best not to push him away because it’s not his fault I was hurt in the first place.
There you have it folks. What did you guys think? Do you agree with me or my friend? Leave some comments and go like his Facebook page! It’s http://www.facebook.com/VECTeezy111. Thanks for agreeing to do this Vect! You’re a good sport! =]