Why Black Men Don’t Date Black Women

As I was scanning YouTube, I came across this video by Kevin Edwards Jr. For those of you who didn’t watch the above video, Kevin addresses why he and other black men don’t (or haven’t) date black women in a while. He addresses how some black women are ignorant. They are always loud, ghetto and looking to fight. Some black women believe the world is out to get them so they are always on the defensive and too proud for their own good.  He also addresses how black women are ill-mannered and don’t really dress, or for that matter behave, to make a positive impression on others. 

In the annotations and through context, Kevin says that he was talking about SOME black women in his area. Despite this, as a black woman, I found this video hurtful to ALL of us, good and bad.

Throughout my dating and relationship experience, I’ve always been told I’m not a “normal” black girl. I’m not loud, I don’t like to argue or get into physical fights, and I don’t dress in a manner that is disrespectful to myself. This would always offend me because not all black women are the way Kevin and other men think we are. Just because this is the way black women are portrayed and stereotyped, doesn’t make it true.

The statements made in this video are generalized and stereotypical. Let’s face it. The type of woman Kevin mentions in his video comes from classic stereotypes of black women that have been around since slavery. These stereotypes are not endearing, but an unsuccessful attempt to excuse negative behavior towards black women by people of other races and black men.

The Jezebel: Named after an evil queen in the bible, a Jezebel describes a woman with an insatiable sexual appetite. She wants it. She needs it. She’ll give it to anyone. In addition to this, she uses sex to get what she wants from men. This could include money, power or to destroy the men she’s sleeping with.

Sapphire: This is the “ghetto” stereotype we’ve all come to love. She’s loud and overbearing. She’s deemed hard because she never backs down, makes everything a fight or is always putting her man down. Because of this, she is undesirable, driving men away and always ending up alone.

The Welfare Queen: Originating in the 1970s, the welfare queen is another stereotype that has become prevalent. She is an unwed mother who has a lot of children, many of which have different fathers. She’s dumb, dull, lazy and over sexed. All she wants to do is have as many children as possible so she can live off the government.

Yes, some black women do fall into some of these stereotypes. However, people hear what they want to hear. Just because you throw in the phrases “some black women”, “black women around here” or the “women in my area”, doesn’t mean that this will register with all viewers. In my opinion, Kevin basically helped to perpetuate these stereotypes and generalizations black women are faced with every day. To make such generalizations about black women is disrespectful and ignorant within itself.

What if the roles were reversed? What if a black woman made a video discussing why black women don’t date black men? What if she stereotyped black men just as badly as black women were stereotyped in this video? Would she be labeled bitter? Ghetto? Ignorant? A mad black woman who was taking out all her pain and aggression out on black men? Would she be receiving ridicule or praise? Odds are, she would receive all the former, rather than the latter. After all, apparently it’s harder being a black man than it is a black woman.

There are good and bad women in every race and background. The same goes for men. As soon as we acknowledge it, the happier we’ll all be.

I’m honestly not mad at Kevin. I will probably continue to watch his videos. After all, this video is his opinion. As an old saying goes, “Opinions are like ass holes; everyone has one”. However, I do think it’s irresponsible for black men to bash women in such a manner. I also find it irresponsible for black women to do the same to black men. Let’s face it. Black men AND black women are still faced with great prejudice and have much to overcome. This gives us more reason to support each other, not tear each other down.

The only way to erase these stereotypes is to not perpetuate them or to act them out. We all need to do better and the only way to do that is to rid ourselves and others of these negative images.

12 thoughts on “Why Black Men Don’t Date Black Women

  1. Very well said. I hate stereotypes and stereotyping people. Sure, everything comes with a history and some baggage attached to it, but I know what you mean. Its about time people learn to accept each other as they are.

      1. No, sadly you’re absolutely wrong! We’re not all the same at all. Perhaps, it may have slipped your mind, but we individuals. No, one stereotypes themselves more than do Black women, and that’s their biggest problem.

  2. I really wish that these stereotypes could be erased and we as a race could learn to work together. Other races think that it is a shame that we discrimate on ourselves! If only African-American people can see how beautiful we are and that we depend on each other. Great Article! Please look at my blog! Have a lovely new year!

    Blithe M.

  3. Stereotyping is not good for anyone. But i do tend to see more pointed to African-American woman than any other. I live in low income housing with alot of different kinds and colors of folks. The type of women he talks about in his video are all around me and believe me most are not African American women but good ole white chics….

  4. I like this post very much. I don’t see why Black men don’t give us Sistas a chance these days. i know a lot of us are hard to get along with, loud, annoying, ghetto etc but I don’t fit any of those sterotypes at all! Yes whoever posted that it was the ”good ol’ White girls” who fit that sterotype are not accurate as well either. Women of any race can fit those sterotypes Black men associate with us Black women. And what is up with degrading us and calling us ugly, hood and crap like that? That is so rude and we are in your race as well. Black men, majority of them aren’t respectful of Black women. I think Black women should start dating outside of our race because there you can find your soulmate that way. I don’t see the reason to be waiting for a Black man to be our knight and shining armor when a lot of them are knights and shining armors to women of other races especially to White women. Stop waiitng for Black men, starting looking for other men regardless of color to date and maybe marry one day as your soulmates. There is no need for a Black women to strictly date only Black men anymore. Especially when your race of men disrespects you and spits in your face and call us ugly on blogs and in real life.

    1. Although some black men are disrespectful towards us, not all of them are. I’ve met black men who didn’t think highly of black women at all and then there are those who hold us in the highest regard. A lot of it depends on their area and upbringing. You can’t really be pissed off at a guy for thinking of us in a negative light if that’s all he’s known and been taught. I’m not excusing the behavior of black men that treat black women badly and sad to say, those who treat us badly might treat all women badly. It’s sad because they would never think or insult their grandmothers, moms, aunts, sisters, or cousins with these stereotypes because they are “exceptions”. To me, if it’s good for the goose, it’s good for the gander.

      I think what we need to realize is that it doesn’t matter what race anyone is. There are good AND bad people in EVERY race and EVERY gender. We need to stop buying into stereotypes of other races and the ones within in our own. Stop using things against each other and give everyone we meet a fair chance instead of judging each other off stereotypes that were invented to tear us apart as a race and as a global community.

      I’m not looking for a black man in shining armor or white one or even a Hispanic or Asian one. I’m just looking for a man who is going to love me and respect me for who and what I am. That’s really all that counts.

  5. As a Strong Black Man who is employed, with a clean criminal and health record (I had to add those extras for those who would unfairly catagorize me), I hate men like this! HE DOES NOT REPRESENT THE MAJORITY OF BLACK MEN WHO LOVE AND MARRY BLACK WOMEN. I LOVE and date Black women EXCLUSIVELY because, they love me, they understand me, they’re strong, brutally honest, usually secure with their lovely voluptuous bodies and lips, and can raise our black children the right way in a racist society. The more things change, the more they stay the same. House N!##@s are alive and kickin’ and we can’t seem to get rid of them! Some women of other races have gotten offended because I don’t pay them any mind or show them love when they come on to me, it’s because these house n!##@s like this man make them feel like they’re better. Socially, the world is too culturally ignorant for interracial relationships. We have to educate ourselves on firstly our culture, then everyone else’s. This House N!##@, will advertise his self hatred (because if you hate the women of your race, you hate yourself ultimately) to other races and reinforce their hatred of his Black race. THIS MAN, AND MEN LIKE HIM ARE BRAINWASHED AND WEAK BECAUSE OF IT! SISTAS PLEASE DON’T LOSE HOPE……..BLACK MEN STILL DO LOVE AND WILL PROTECT YOU.

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