I sat down to write something useful or insightful.
I was going to write something about love and passion. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the right words. Sure, I’ve felt love and experienced intense passion throughout the course of these last few months, but they were fleeting. Overly high expectations, bitterness, doubt, and a lack of confidence of made me bury most of these feelings. To quote one of my favorite Lordi songs, “could you love a monsterman? could you understand the beauty of a beast?” For now, it appears the answer is no. And if it’s a yes, no one’s stepped forward.
I was going to write about forgiveness, but my blood was poisoned with bitterness. I love most of the people in my life, even some of the ones who aren’t. I would never turn my back on anyone. But what about those who turned their backs on me? What about those who have wronged me? Forgive, sure. Forget, never. Open my arms to the few who have shot me down when I carried an olive branch or refused to get to know me because of gossip or rumours? I’m not exactly ready to do that.
I was going to write something funny, something witty. But I used all my best jokes today.
I was going to write something light, but my heart is kind of heavy.
I was going not to write anything. I couldn’t find the words. But I think these work perfectly.
Maybe someday I will be able to write these things.