Confession #10950968 (probably closer to 13): I am an adult and I LOVE Hello Kitty. I have Hello Kitty hoodies, shirts, dolls, a pillow, sticky notes and coloring books. I think the merchandise is really cute and I used to love the show when I was a kid. With that being said, Avril Lavigne’s new song Hello Kitty makes me want to burn every single item I own.
Check this disasterpiece out. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.
Did you watch it? Great! Let’s talk about it.
In the video, Avril is dancing around Tokyo in a cupcake skirt with the most generic, expressionless, Asian women she could find. She chants a few Japanese words like Kawaii and arigato while singing this nonsensical song against the most terrible dub step beat she could find She’s in a bedroom, a candy shop, the streets. She’s waving to admirers and takes a picture. She’s wearing “cute geeky girl glasses”, faking playing guitar, eating sushi, drinking saki and doing the most generic dance moves you can think of. Cultural misappropriation aside, the video is just sucks.
Tthe song is pretty terrible too. (Although I will admit after listening to it a couple of times it grows on you. Like a fungus.) It has the most generic dub step beat you will ever hear. The auto tune is also off the charts. Take a look at some of these lyrics:
Mom’s not home tonight: You’re almost 30 Avril! Get it together.
Let’s all slumber party/ like a fat kid on a pack of smarties/someone chuck a cupcake at me: WHAT! What fat kid sleeps on a pack of smarties? And throwing cupcakes is a waste of food. That fat kid you just dissed would be pissed that cupcake landed on your body or the floor and not his mouth.
We can roll around in our underwear how/ every silly kitty should be: Don’t remember Hello Kitty ever rolling around in her underwear. I don’t think any kitties roll around in their underwear.
It’s pretty obvious that she’s talking about her lady bits and not the real Hello Kitty, but still. What an awful song. I guess it’s only fitting it have an awful video to match.
What do ya’ll think? Would you rather listen to Avril’s Hello Kitty song or be mauled by one? Let me know in the comments!